Sunday, March 18, 2012

Bad Day with Bipolar Disorder: What Happens When I Miss a Dose of Seroquel

4 a.m. - Sleepless. Got up, wandered the house, went back to bed.

5:30 a.m. - Still awake. Head hurts. Got up, took a Tylenol pm and wondered if I might have forgotten my Seroquel last night. Started waiting for sleepy pain killer to kick in.

6:30 a.m. - Cried because my mother's dead, the house I grew up in is sold. I wish we could have kept it. I'm an only child. Feel very alone. (Last night was talking to a friend who also recently lost her mother and the house she grew up in. That, plus the missed med is probably why I'm feeling this way).

8 a.m. - Still waiting to get sleepy. Certain that I must have forgotten Seroquel last night. Can hear the kids up and running around. Husband gets up. I feel angry with him for no substantial reason, maybe because he is not telepathic enough to just know I am sad and need a hug. I pretend I am asleep.

8:30 a.m. - Give up on sleep. Go lay on couch with my little girl and watch Sponge Bob. Maybe SB will be cheerful enough for both of us. Nope. Daughter has her feet slug over my hip. My feet are against her leg. It's nice.

9:30 a.m. - Go to make coffee and find that there is no water in the fridge (can't use tap water because have nasty well water). The task of taking the water container to the basement water cooler to fill brings me to tears. Sit downstairs, on a 20 gal tub, with my head against the water cooler and cry while I fill up my water jug. Make coffee. Take an Excedrin and my Wellbutrin. Husband listens to jazz and read the paper every Sunday morning. I can't tolerate music (especially jazz) when my head is messed up. Cry some more, and bring computer and coffee back to bed.

10:30 a.m. - Go get more coffee. Caffeine in Excedrin and coffee kicking in.  Starting to feel better. Hug my husband. Tell him about my missed dose of Seroquel. Talk to my kids. Think I'll be able to pull out of this depressed morning. Volunteering this afternoon. Being around people usually helps my mood.

Morning Bipolar Stats:
  • Level of Mania (on scale of 1 - 10, with 1=none, 10=practically levitating):1
  • Level of Depression (on a scale of 1 - 10, with 1=none, 10=can't get out of bed): 8
  • Medication Compliance (0 = not taking, 5=taking some, 10=taking all): 3 (Missed Seroquel and have not been reliably taking my Wellbutrin. I know better than to do this, but it still happens)
I am recording my mania and depression bipolar data separately because I often have mixed episodes where manic and depressive symptoms occur at the same time.


Volunteered in afternoon, and felt much better. Once caffeine and Excedrin started wearing off, was tired and had a headache, but no major problems.

Having responsibilities can be very helpful in pulling out of depression, when you aren't in too deep. For me, when people are depending on me, even if I am depressed, I have to at least drag myself around and do what needs to be done. Usually this can bring me out of a minor funk.

Plan to take my Seroquel tonight and get a good night sleep. Inconsistent sleep patterns or overall lack of sleep can push a person with bipolar in the manic direction. Since I am starting to "wobble" (my term for moving quickly between hypomania and depression), consistently getting a good night's sleep is important.

Evening Bipolar Stats:
  • Level of Mania (on scale of 1 - 10, with 1=none, 10=practically levitating): 1
  • Level of Depression (on a scale of 1 - 10, with 1=none, 10=can't get out of bed): 1

Follow-up 3/19: Same thing happened last night! I woke very early, took Tylenol pm, still couldn't sleep. Was worried that manic episode may be building, since my meds didn't help last night. But what is a simpler explanation? Yep. I did it again; left my meds on my nightstand and didn't take them for the second night in a row!  *sigh*  Moral of the story...take meds when they are in your hand, don't set them aside for later.

This blog is for informational purposes only, it is not intended to be used for the treatment of mental illness. If you are having emotional troubles, please see a mental health professional, not a computer. 

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Bipolar Art: Creations of the Manic Depressive

This is one I put together several months ago. Was feeling pretty mentally ill at the time. As soon as I had the idea for it, like most things, I had to do it immediately. Drew the picture, placed the meds, then Photoshopped it to make the stick figures sexier.

Do you have an artistic creation that sprung out of your bipolar disorder? Leave a comment and let us know where to find your image online.

This post is where I will add any future bipolar art brain farts:

I created this on a very depressed day when i went to the art museum with my oldest daughter. The museum had and interactive room with a giant pin art pallet. After creating this I felt quite a bit better. like I had let some of the depression out. Also, FYI, pressing your face into pin art hurts.

Prozac and Seroquel Smiley Face

I just recently realized that a couple of art pieces in my home really remind me of my "shadow" side, the depression in me. I didn't create these pieces, and, as far as I know they weren't created by an artist who struggles with bipolar disorder or depression, but I really feel a connection with these works of art. 

The picture to the left is a ceramic sculpture of a faceless girl holding a jar. This was my mother's. She collected quite a bit of art, and when this piece was in her home, it always bothered me. This brown faceless girl kind of creeped me out. After my mother died, I kept some of her art pieces and sold others. When I was considering what to do with this one, I stared at it for a long time, and suddenly it looked beautiful and sad to me. Now it hangs in my living room. 

This second photo is of a painting I purchased while on vacation last year in Northern California. It's titled "Grace" by artist Yarrow Summers. As soon as I saw it, I had to have it. The way the woman in blue is staring off into the unknown seemed very melancholy to me. I looks like I feel when I am sad and still.

Songs About Mental Illness

Recently I put together a list of songs that I like to listen to when I am feeling nuts. I have bipolar disorder and frequently swing between hypomania to depression

Crazy Cool Songs
Below is the list of songs I gravitate to. Some help me deal with my demons. Some are just fun. Each title below is a link to that song in iTunes. "Do You" by Jolie Holland is my favorite, but Daniel Johnston's (artist with bipolar disorder & schizophrenia) "Funeral Home" can always make me smile. I will continually be adding to and changing out songs, based on what my current faves are.

In addition to my picks, here are links to a few webpages that have more general and complete lists of songs that relate to mental illness:
What is your favorite song about mental illness, or song that you relate to when you are feeling unbalanced?