MY BIPOLAR MORNING
4 a.m. - Sleepless. Got up, wandered the house, went back to bed.
5:30 a.m. - Still awake. Head hurts. Got up, took a Tylenol pm and wondered if I might have forgotten my Seroquel last night. Started waiting for sleepy pain killer to kick in.
6:30 a.m. - Cried because my mother's dead, the house I grew up in is sold. I wish we could have kept it. I'm an only child. Feel very alone. (Last night was talking to a friend who also recently lost her mother and the house she grew up in. That, plus the missed med is probably why I'm feeling this way).
8 a.m. - Still waiting to get sleepy. Certain that I must have forgotten Seroquel last night. Can hear the kids up and running around. Husband gets up. I feel angry with him for no substantial reason, maybe because he is not telepathic enough to just know I am sad and need a hug. I pretend I am asleep.
8:30 a.m. - Give up on sleep. Go lay on couch with my little girl and watch Sponge Bob. Maybe SB will be cheerful enough for both of us. Nope. Daughter has her feet slug over my hip. My feet are against her leg. It's nice.
9:30 a.m. - Go to make coffee and find that there is no water in the fridge (can't use tap water because have nasty well water). The task of taking the water container to the basement water cooler to fill brings me to tears. Sit downstairs, on a 20 gal tub, with my head against the water cooler and cry while I fill up my water jug. Make coffee. Take an Excedrin and my Wellbutrin. Husband listens to jazz and read the paper every Sunday morning. I can't tolerate music (especially jazz) when my head is messed up. Cry some more, and bring computer and coffee back to bed.
10:30 a.m. - Go get more coffee. Caffeine in Excedrin and coffee kicking in. Starting to feel better. Hug my husband. Tell him about my missed dose of Seroquel. Talk to my kids. Think I'll be able to pull out of this depressed morning. Volunteering this afternoon. Being around people usually helps my mood.
Morning Bipolar Stats:
- Level of Mania (on scale of 1 - 10, with 1=none, 10=practically levitating):1
- Level of Depression (on a scale of 1 - 10, with 1=none, 10=can't get out of bed): 8
- Medication Compliance (0 = not taking, 5=taking some, 10=taking all): 3 (Missed Seroquel and have not been reliably taking my Wellbutrin. I know better than to do this, but it still happens)
I am recording my mania and depression bipolar data separately because I often have mixed episodes where manic and depressive symptoms occur at the same time.
AFTERNOON / EVENING
Volunteered in afternoon, and felt much better. Once caffeine and Excedrin started wearing off, was tired and had a headache, but no major problems.
Having responsibilities can be very helpful in pulling out of depression, when you aren't in too deep. For me, when people are depending on me, even if I am depressed, I have to at least drag myself around and do what needs to be done. Usually this can bring me out of a minor funk.
Plan to take my Seroquel tonight and get a good night sleep. Inconsistent sleep patterns or overall lack of sleep can push a person with bipolar in the manic direction. Since I am starting to "wobble" (my term for moving quickly between hypomania and depression), consistently getting a good night's sleep is important.
Volunteered in afternoon, and felt much better. Once caffeine and Excedrin started wearing off, was tired and had a headache, but no major problems.
Having responsibilities can be very helpful in pulling out of depression, when you aren't in too deep. For me, when people are depending on me, even if I am depressed, I have to at least drag myself around and do what needs to be done. Usually this can bring me out of a minor funk.
Plan to take my Seroquel tonight and get a good night sleep. Inconsistent sleep patterns or overall lack of sleep can push a person with bipolar in the manic direction. Since I am starting to "wobble" (my term for moving quickly between hypomania and depression), consistently getting a good night's sleep is important.
Evening Bipolar Stats:
- Level of Mania (on scale of 1 - 10, with 1=none, 10=practically levitating): 1
- Level of Depression (on a scale of 1 - 10, with 1=none, 10=can't get out of bed): 1
Follow-up 3/19: Same thing happened last night! I woke very early, took Tylenol pm, still couldn't sleep. Was worried that manic episode may be building, since my meds didn't help last night. But what is a simpler explanation? Yep. I did it again; left my meds on my nightstand and didn't take them for the second night in a row! *sigh* Moral of the story...take meds when they are in your hand, don't set them aside for later.
This blog is for informational purposes only, it is not intended to be used for the treatment of mental illness. If you are having emotional troubles, please see a mental health professional, not a computer.
