Depression vs. Sunshine & Fresh Air: Get Outdoors and Get Happy!

Went to the big lake today! It was windy and beautiful, with crashing whitecaps close to shore for the kids to jump.

Although there's a good deal of stressful stuff going on for me, and our entire family, right now, a day outside, in a beautiful place, did a lot to make everyone feel better. It was a bargain too, costing only the gas to get there and the nominal beach parking fee. The grandparents even came along, so it was a multi-generational fun-fest. Going to the beach with little ones is a lot of work, but it makes memories that are well worth it!

If you don't have a lake near you, just get outside and have fun! We have a great nature center nearby. They have a hiking program where you buy a walking stick and earn metal badges to add to your stick after completing certain sets of hiking trails. The badge program motivates the kids to participate, which is very helpful. Fresh air encourages deep, restful sleep, and a day away from all the stress goes a long way to put life's difficulties in perspective. 

I worry about everything, sometimes to the point that I have problems with anxiety and obsessive negative/worrying thoughts. Physical exertion outside is  one of those handy valves that releases stress and worry, and helps me get the deep, restful sleep that anyone with bipolar disorder really needs.

Enjoy summer while it lasts!

Bipolar Disorder, Metal Pin Art & Creative Release

Had a bad day today. Lots of stressful stuff going on in my life right now. Feeling very depressed and unstable. Still, I was able to get out and do things. I was gone from home most of the day actually, and even got my workout in, but had that dull, wooden feeling all day.

Spent some time with my oldest daughter at our city's Institute of Arts, and created this metal pin art "ode to depression" in their interactive room. Felt much better after I expressed my trapped, sad feeling.

I'll be be adding this pic to my previous post "Bipolar Art: Creations of the Manic Depressive".

On the way home from the museum, we stopped at Hobby Lobby and got some modeling clay and sculpting tools. I love sculpture. It's one of the art forms that I really connect with. It seems so passionate and emotional. So thought I'd try my hand at sculpting to see if it might function as a release valve to get the depression or mania out of me when I am feeling extreme. 

Do you have an artistic hobby or passion? Leave a comment and share your crazy creative side!

Moodie's Superfly Bipolar Workout Playlist

As promised in my last post, "Losing Weight and Getting Fit (Again)", here's the playlist that I workout to. You can also find it in the left sidebar. This collection is what I trained with when I ran races last year. It really gets me moving. Each title below is a link to the song on iTunes, in case you'd like to download them and get your jam-a-lam-a-ding-dong on.

Moodie's Superfly Workout Playlist

• Ain't Nothing Wrong With That - Robert Randolph
• Pump It - Black Eyed Peas
• Get Ur Freak On - Missy Elliot
• Brick House - Rick James
• Clap Hands - Beck
• They Don't Want Music - Black Eyed Peas
• What'd I Say (Live 1959) - Ray Charles
• Lose Control - Missy Elliot
• Hell Yes - Beck
• Imma Be - Black Eyed Peas
• Shake Your Pom Pom - Missy Elliot
• #1 - Nelly
• Super Freak - Rick James
• Word Up - Cameo
• Hands Up - Black Eyed Peas   
• Jungle Boogie - Cool & the Gang
• Gonna Make You Sweat - C+C Music Factory

Losing Weight & Getting Fit (Again) - A Bipolar Woman's Fitness Plan

In a recent post on "Bipolar Disorder and Physical Fitness" I confessed to having become sedentary over the past year, while working long hours on an internet project (i.e. sitting in front of the computer for hours on end), and vowed to get back to my fitness level of one year ago--the most ripped I've ever been. Well here is the post where I am going to track my progress and share workout and diet tips on what's working for me.

So today I weighed, measured, took some photos and said OMG! While I have retained a bit of the muscle tone and core strength that I worked so hard on last year, there is a big ole layer of fat covering everything! So, while my abdomen does have some muscle tone, it can't be seen. And my arms! So sad. They had been pretty muscular and defined. Now, in that photo of my upper arm, I see hanging skin, not triceps :(.

I have been working out regularly for the past few weeks, so I thought I would look a little better, and maybe I do, compared to when I started. I am sure that I lost weight over the past two weeks, based on how my clothes fit, but when I stepped on the scale and saw the unhappy number, it made we wonder how much I weighed two weeks ago! I guess I will consider today Day 1, and go from here with some solid data to track from. 

I take Seroquel as one of my bipolar meds, and the drug has a reputation for contributing to weight gain. I haven't necessarily seen a relationship between my taking Seroquel and gaining weight.  My weight gain is from eating too much of the wrong stuff and not being active.

I will weigh and measure myself every week on Monday, and post the numbers, as well as info on my exercise and eating habits. I am 5'3" tall, so a little bit of weight gain (or loss) makes a big difference. I am not just doing this to lose weight. I want to be more physically fit so that I can keep up with my kids, feel better, and look better as I age.

Day 1 - 7/16/2012

STATS

Weight: 137.8#, Bust: 37 1/2", Waist: 32 3/4", Hips: 39", Thigh: 22 1/2"

EXERCISE

Worked out at gym today. It's only been cool enough to exercise outside during the early morning. I usually go to the three times a week, and then engage in other physical activities on other days (gardening, riding scooters with kids, bicycling, running).

At the gym, I currently do:

- elliptical for 30 minutes (15 forwards, 15 backwards) on the interval setting, alternating between incline and resistance of 4 and incline and resistance 6 or 7

- resistance training 30 minutes on nautilus machines for upper body strength

When home, in addition to various activities listed above, I also currently try to do 60 pushups,60 dips and 100 crunches everyday. 

Music helps motivate me to put more effort into my exercise. I will put my main workout playlist in the left margin soon. It really keeps me moving. 

FOOD

I have made a point to stock up on a lot of fresh fruits and veggies, and to have them washed and handy. I keep a bowl of cherries, grapes, apples or clementines on the counter for a healthy snack, and eat almonds, string cheese or a Kashi bar when I need a little protein in my snack.

I need to get better at eating a filling breakfast with balanced carbs proteins and fats. I did this when i was fit. Eating a good breakfast does help a person eat less throughout the rest of the day. I like to make my own ez egg sandwich with a toasted English muffin, scrambled egg microwaved in a small bowl (to make it the same shape as the muffin), low-fat sliced cheese, fresh spinach and spicy mustard. Much lower cal than a McMuffin.

I'll update this post next week. 

Week 1 - 7/23/2012

STATS

Weight: 136.6#, Bust: 38", Waist: 33", Hips: 38", Thigh: 22"
Lost 1.2#

EXERCISE

Have been working out most days, and on days when I don't work out at the gym or run/walk 5K, I try to do something active around the house, like ride bikes or scooters with the kids or garden. I know that I am building muscle mass working out now, so not disturbed about only losing a pound. As long as the numbers keep going down, file with me. 

An doing a lot of resistance work to build my muscle mass back up. Muscle burns calories, white fat (all that excess baggage) doesn't. So it is easier to lose weight over the long-term if you develop more and bigger muscle cells. It is also nice to have defined muscle and look fit.

Need to stick with getting my push ups, dips and crunches done at home every day. Have not been consistent with that.
 

FOOD

Still been eating too many sweets. Not a lot, but less would help me lose faster.  Am eating a lot of fresh veggies and fruits, and mostly healthy stuff overall. But my portion size is still to large. Will pick up some weight watchers frozen dinners this week to have now, and then. Easy way to control portion size.

Month 1 - 8/13/2012

STATS

Weight: 137.8#, Bust: 37", Waist: 33", Hips: 39", Thigh: 22 1/2"

EXERCISE
I have been exercising at least 5 days a week with 30 minutes cardio followed by strength training. Am disappointed that my weight and measurements have not changed at all. But I can tell that my body is in better shape and more muscular. I don't feel like I am dragging my body around but am starting to propel it, and being more fit feels good. Need to up aerobic exercise to 40 minutes and reduce the number of calories that I am taking in.

FOOD
Am still mainly eating healthy food, but too much food in general. Also too much alcohol, sweets, fancy coffee and movie popcorn (no fake butter or extra salt, but still loaded with calories). Now that I am on the right track as far as exercise goes, I need to really focus on food intake. 


GOAL
I will post my progress again in one month, and my goal is to be below 130#.


Month 2 - 9/17/2012
STATS
Weight: 137.4#

EXERCISE
Exercising regularly, and in much better shape now, but weight still not budging. I know that I am more fit. I ran 5K yesterday for the first time in over a year, and it took me a lot of walk/runs to increase my endurance to that point. I also feel sexier, more body confident.



FOOD
Am still mainly eating healthy food, but still too much food in general, alcohol, and sweets. I need to focus on food and booze intake if I want my weight to decrease. 


GOAL
I will post my progress again in one month, and am keeping the same goal, to get below 130#.

Avoiding Cold & Depression by Getting Enough Sleep

So at least one, but typically most, of my family have been sick with an upper respiratory infection for the past month. This happened last summer about the same time--our summer cold.  

My kids have asthma and allergies, so experience respiratory infections more severely (more frequent and longer) than most other kids, so someone is usually sick around here. Well, last night, my youngest, who has been sick the longest, and was just starting to get better, began showing cold symptoms; snot flowing nonstop from her nose. Then I started feeling it late in the evening, and had a horrible headache this morning.

For me, getting sick with a cold or the flu often precipitates an episode of depression. Physical illness and depression go together, and lack of sleep makes it worse. My husband got up with our sick daughter last night at around 2am. Then, later, when we both got up around 8am, and I started staggering around with a headache and general icky feeling, he said, "Why don't you go back to bed?" So I did, and it made all the difference. I woke up at noon (noon!) and felt pretty good.

So one more experience showing how important getting enough sleep is in battling bipolar depression, particularly when ill (and also illustrating how awesome my husband is about helping me take care of myself...Thank you!)

Are you also prone to depression when you get ill? Leave a comment and share!

Bipolar Stats:

• Level of Mania (on scale of 1 - 10, with 1=none, 10=practically levitating): 0
• Level of Depression (on a scale of 1 - 10, with 1=none, 10=can't get out of bed): 1
• Medication Compliance (0 = not taking, 5=taking some, 10=taking all): 5 forgetting daytime med, Wellbutrin
  

I am recording my mania and depression bipolar data separately because I often have mixed episodes where manic and depressive symptoms occur at the same time.

This blog is for informational purposes only, it is not intended to be used for the treatment of mental illness. If you are having emotional troubles, please see a mental health professional, not a computer. 

Bipolar Depression Triggers: A Patient's Example

Today hasn't been a stellar day for my mental health. The morning flipped my switch from relatively normal mood to depression, crying and negative thought cycles. I have pulled out of it for the most part. Just feel a little down. But I thought that I would record the experience here, while it's fresh in my mind.

In this post, I will be honestly describing my negative thoughts, and sometimes that type of description can trigger depressed thoughts in others prone to depression. I don't want to flip your switch. So if you are currently struggling with depression, or are triggered into depression by other peoples negativity, best not read the rest of this post for now.

A Typical Morning

There was nothing unusual about how the day started. I felt a little disappointed in myself when I woke up because I hadn't abstained from alcohol (2 beers, 2 glasses red wine) the previous night. I even felt a little run down from the alcohol consumption. But I wasn't beating myself up over it.

My husband suggested that the family go hiking in the morning, while the temperature was cool, and we all got ready. But right before leaving, our youngest started up a tantrum--decided she didn't want to go with us after she and her brother had a minor squabble.

The Tantrum Heard Round the World

Both youngest kids are prone to illness and are currently sick and on meds that impact their behavior, making them less patient and more teary. With both sick, there have been a lot of tantrums lately.

After my husband and I each tried to talk to our daughter about going hiking, and the fun we would have, my husband finally picked her up and put her in the car. She was not going to dictate everyone's morning. In the car she wouldn't buckle up, or stop screaming, crying and trying to get out of the car (thank goodness for the lock setting inside the door of cars). It got so bad that my husband did finally turn the car around. We gave her another chance to shape up, she wouldn't comply, and we went home. 

She got balled out on the way home by both of us, but one of the things I said set her off again and my husband immediately said to me, "That was not helpful," which was also not helpful. I very often don't think before I speak, say the wrong thing, put my foot in my mouth...all of that.

Triggers for Today's Downward Spiral

All of this stress presented the perfect depression trigger trifecta:

- incessantly screaming kid

- saying the wrong thing, yet again

- husband criticizing me

And, I suppose, there were actually two more factors, last nights drinking, and my oldest daughter leaving. She is probably going to go live with her dad. She has some spectacular opportunities out where he lives (1/2 way across the country), and she really seems to want to go. But it hurts. I love her and don't want to only see here a few times a year. Plus all of the legal garbage that we will, yet again, have to wade through to make the arrangement official.

Back to the car, and the screaming kid...This is when my intense downward spiral of negative thoughts began: "I always say the stupidest things. I am a social idiot. My husband is a much better parent than I am. I'm a drag on the family. They'd be better off without me. I want to die. I can't die; it would hurt my kids. So I'll be alive, and just suck at being a parent." I quietly cried on the way home, while my kids loudly cried. 

When we got out of the car, my husband was defensive about my reaction. I just said, "My head is not right. I can't talk now," and withdrew to do some cleaning in the basement.

The Zombie Numb Catatonia

When I get emotionally overwhelmed like today, a couple of things can happen. I can slip into debilitating depression and spend the day in bed, or I can function, but I get kind of numb and wooden; where feel like I am removed from the world, kind of looking out from inside my head. I plod along and stare a lot, but at least I can get things done. The latter is what happened. 

After a while, my husband came downstairs to talk to me and hug me. He told me that I was a great parent, and we each have our own strengths that work together. It was very sweet. I was still out of it, not really engaging, but his reaching out to me helped bring me back.

Once I feel a little emotionally stronger (like I did after the hug), I can sometimes think my way out of a negative spiral, recognize the thoughts as being unbalanced and not helpful, and start thinking about positive things in my life. That's what I did, and now I'm okay.